FIRST FLOWERS
by eglantine-br
Summary: Alistair makes light of the pain of the past. This one really hurt to write. Please, let me know what you guys think...


FIRST FLOWERS

_This is a boy. See him. He is an ordinary little boy, for the moment. His hair is blond, it will darken somewhat as he ages. His hands are dirty. His little shoulders look like wings from the back. He has a special word. He keeps it in the soft place near his tummy. He holds it near his little thumping heart._

He was in the castle that day. It was drizzling and raw outside, but Arl Eamon kept a big fire. The fire-place was big enough for Alistair to stand up in. He played in there sometimes, when there was no fire, of course. He played that it was a cave, and he was a bear. Today there was a fire, it warmed his back. He had some little soldier men, little carved and painted templars. They were fighting dragons today.

He was deep in thought when he heard her voice. He could see why the Arl liked her. Her voice was light, and she looked as if she smelled good. She looked at Alister as if he did not. He gathered up his little men, and scootched into the knee-hole of the Arl's desk.

"Marie, Marie" She called out. "Run and get me a vase. A big one. Look what Eamon has done now. Really, he shouldn't have, that silly silly man., Look, Marie, how beautiful. " She paused in the doorway. Her arms were full of flowers Roses, Andraste's Grace, and big pretty yellow droopy ones. Alister didn't know much about flowers. They were pretty though, pretty like Lady Isolde.

Her voice and her feet went back and forth across the room. She wore soft green slippers. Her feet were small. Marie wore normal shoes. Her feet looked normal. They set the flowers into a dish-thing, and Marie went away. Alistair shifted slightly, his bottom was getting numb. But Lady Isolde didn't hear, because Arl Eamon had come in, and they were kissing.

Alister didn't really understand the kissing part. Arl Eamon had a very tickly beard. Lady Isolde didn't seem to mind it. Mothers kissed a person, but not like that. They picked you up when you fell into mud. They called you "Honey-bun." That was Alistair's special secret word. But nobody called him that. He didn't have a mother.

After a while, the room was empty again. Now he could see a wavering square of light on the floor. It came from the skylight. The sun had come out! Alistair put his templars away in the box by the fire-place. He hurried outside to play.

Out in the courtyard the wind was still damp, it was a little like having your face washed, but it was chasing the clouds away. Along the wall, at the edge of the courtyard small puddles shone in the weak sun. He stood in them a bit, and wiggled his toes to squish the water in his shoes.

Small flowers sprouted along the wall. They were bright yellow, and sneezingly dusty. They did not smell sweet like the flowers from the Arl, but they smelled _interesting._

He had a good idea.

Quickly Alistair gathered as many as he could. Some of the roots had dirt on them still, He gave those a hard shake. Some came up with the stems too short. He put those in the middle. He walked back toward Arl Eamons study. On the way there, gleaming at the edge of a lovely puddle he found a piece of string. This was perfect! He tied it tightly around the stems. Now he could carry the flowers more easily.

Lady Isolde was standing by the desk. Usually Alistair was careful to not be alone with her. Her voice changed when she spoke to him, and her eyes went cold. But now he had something to make her like him better.

" Lady Isolde?'

" What do _you _want?" Her voice made him feel smaller. Her white face seemed a very long way above him now. He smiled bravely, and brought the flowers from behind his back.

He didn't see the slap coming, but it was hard enough to knock his breath away. His flowers were scattered on the flags now. He could feel himself freezing inside with shame, he was smaller than he had thought, smaller than before,

" You horrid dirty little _bastard,_ who do you think you are? Get out, get out! You are not wanted here, Nobody wants you!"

The second slap was harder. It caught his nose, and broke the spell. He ran.

_ This is a little boy. He sleeps in the stable now. Honey-bun._


End file.
